I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A bitchslap is in order.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize