I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
