Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
