Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize