How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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