He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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