Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
