I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
