you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
