omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
