Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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