every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize