yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
send nudes
from the living room?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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