Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize