He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
