On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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