Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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