I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
