Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize