I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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