she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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