I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
