The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
