I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
