i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
