i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
