I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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