So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
