dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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