the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize