please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
