Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
