Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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