I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
false alarm, still single
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
