with your own penis?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think i have herpe
just one?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
