i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
