so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
