I got chris browned last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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