areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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