I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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