he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
