So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
