Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My cat gives me a boner
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
