I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
