apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
