A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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