i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I understand Curling. That high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
