i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
