I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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