why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
