my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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