WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
