I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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