There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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