U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
