I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
