I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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