you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
