I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
