Four minutes until I can fart!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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