all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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