At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
