You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There's even glitter on my cock...
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