So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
