I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
