We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
