you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
