Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
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He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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