my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
