I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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