this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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