i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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