Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I could make wine with my vomit
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
