I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
