I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
