Old men and throwing up are my life now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
