if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
