"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
