the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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