i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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