if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
