she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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