think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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